Life is Unfair

Even I had several things to have it like the way I wanted and never got them like the way I wanted. But looking at how my parents led their life, I started living my life too being more content with whatever I had and what ever I am gonna get in the future. Didnt have too many expectations. Didnt get jealous on anybody nor was upset if everybody else did great with less effort and I didnt with little extra effort. I thought I am born this way I will live this way and dont want to be compared with anything or anybody. With all these started feeling much better because every time I failed in something I realized I did my best but I still cant get it as it could be for some good reason. Always believed that " God gives only good things to good people" sometimes we like which may not be good or something which could unknowingly destroy you. But only HE knows he what is right for us so sometimes it makes us unhappy momentarily but it is ok as HE is taking the responsibility to get us good things in life. With this hope I lived my life all these days and took all the pain with a smile on my face. No physical pain or financial pain or any kind of pain except for emotional can hurt me more.
Hence, I was always bound to my Dad, mom and my sister with great love, affection and care.
My parents are everything, they gave me love, trust and hope and I can rely on them anytime anywhere and with anything. They are definitely one of the best things I am given even before I knew. Any pain from them was not at all any biggie but made me move more closer to them eventually.

I always lived in this satisfaction, that no matter what I get or what I want atleast I am glad I have best parents and best sister and of course here and there a whole lot of love from my great friends who definitely share my life in happiness and sorrow. But my parents are always best and friends come in, leave a footprint and few of them sometimes fade off.

With this I was certaint that what ever happens happen for good. I was thought the same and I learnt the same with my own experience and expected the same. But after I found the person, who is the love of my life - who has all those qualities that I always dreamt off. In short, I felt my all actions were paid by GOD. I thought HE is happy to give me this love for have seen me how satisfied in life. I thought HE has really blessed me with my dream to come true. I was so much happy and in the sky with great happiness and joy with the love of my life.

Everything did definitely go well, we loved each other very well we did talk to our parents and seems like our parents didnt have any problem with it except for one major disaster. And yes, that major disaster turned out my life upside down. It is like having your favorite thing right in front of you but cant have it. Dont you feel tempted, dont you feel dissatisfied, dont you feel jealous or dont you feel how unlucky you are while being in this situations ??

I felt it- it literally changed my character. May be it was meant to do so or may be it was meant to assasinate my character, but I started feeling- I have nobody, i dont need anybody, i hate myself , i dont love anybody, i dont trust anybody, let the whole world fall apart - i dont care. let the entire thing i have shatter into pieces- i dont care. sometimes i feel my parents can help me - i talk to them. But i feel some what dissatisfied because talking to hundreds of poeple is also not enough at this time to get my feelings straight. My problem is I know the fact that I cant have what i loved what i dreamt - so i also know nobody can do anything about it. That is my helpless situation. That makes me mad person. It makes me feel, did I struggle this much for this day. HE never gave me what I asked till now and I only had it ever since day one that do anything you want to but do not hurt me emotionally. Slap me tight, give me trouble, give me problems, give me stress, give me any other crap on this earth - i will live with it with a smile but I asked him ,never ditch me when I love some one that too being so dedicated in life. But, HE did it. Time and again, HE did it. This time it hurt me to the core, why did I even believe anybody. No fate or destiny can help me, everybody cheated me. Everybody on this earth are with me but still cant help me. I am so so helpless. I dont need anything now - I am alone all alone. with my parents crying for me to get better everyday and that person I love is still supporting me through all hardships and all my friends giving me moral strength. But only I know how miserable I feel. I feel life has been unfair to me this time.
To dear life, I didnt ask you for anything and you did this to me, you made me fall in love - I didnt run to find that guy. Everything happened coincidently and today you made me the person I am not. You make me hurt my parents because I hurt them saying I am alone and nobody can help me. You make me hurt the person I love because I am not sure, if he loves me like this always or stops it when he find someone. Everything is fair in its position except me.
Dont know how am I gonna live this life. I have a huge conflict within myself when I even try to pray God. My heart questions me- what are you gonna pray today..ask for peace or ask for happiness -which you will never get thinking about this love. ask for what ??? Why do you even ask God to give you..all these days you believed him he will give you something good and see what he gave you...My heart insults me why do you even pray God because he hurt me and cant you see the pain I have and dont you feel anything for me?

I also followed my heart all these days and mostly kept my other things going smoothly and so far my heart has protected me from some of the happenings and it senses something even before the today's technology can do it. Like, it always knocked my mind to say if my mom wasnt feeling well or my dad was upset or my sister is crying..whatsoever and today...if I tell my heart - you get lost, you didnt make a right choice,you cant have that guy and he is not yours.. then what am i left with ?

A body with torn heart and a brain which can functionally normally with no goal ?? Am I a computer or am I a robot with no emotions. Doesnt it look like I put every rule/policy that I made myself from my heart is false and I failed in life ??

Now, I dont even know who to ask this question.. My dad always said..for every problem on this earth there is a solution..but time taken to search and solve is variable. I agree. Where will I search a solution for this one... I guess HE has to come down to this earth to tell me even the way to search the solution ....


This life as been pretty unfair....and I just dont know what more can I write.............living it with no ending........

I feel this way

I know it is my weakness but I can’t help it I have been this way always that I am dedicated to the person I love and I am very emotional. I remember almost all the things we do together to almost my life and how can I forget when I can’t have the person I love. I love this guy so much that it was a heart broken incident of my life. Without him I would be just breathing on this earth with no reason to live. My parents are very loving and caring and I am proud to say they are world’s best parents but I am so unlucky that I can’t have the world’s best man. The man I love for about a year now, the man who is so loving and caring, so romantic and kind hearted. He is also very intelligent and brave. He have several friends who are my friends today but what is the fun when I cant have the precious thing for which I waited all through my life for this dream to come true.
I agree I relished the moment when my dream came true for sometime. But everything fell apart just after few days when our parents match our compatibility according to Astrology. It says I and he end up divorcing, costs his life and my dad’s life. I am someone who believed astrology to keep up things moving smoothly in life. I do agree I believe astrology because I have some of the live examples to tell about. But, today my own dream fell apart because of astrology. My whole life, if I am given an horrible job to do –I can, if I face too many hardships- I don’t mind, if I have hard time finding way to my destination – I can still bear with it but I always dreamt to have at least the person I love in my life as my man. I guess I don’t even deserve that piece of happiness in my life.
Today, I stand as an individual who is upset about why did I had to love that lovely person when God knows I cant have him, when God knows that the was only thing I asked God to not to make a failure. Now, all is done and I struggle all my life having this one pain in my heart forever – so is this what I deserve for being a good child to my parents and good person to society? Or being dedicated lover to the person I love or being an emotional fool? Or even being fair by believing astrology even now?

I agree believe astrology even now for the reason it did help me before. If I say I won’t believe, I end up quarreling with my own thoughts and conscious within and probably feel guilty about it always and unfortunately if things happen like in astrology – his life and my dad’s life then I would probably die of guilty. Suppose I believe astrology then I have no choice except to loose him as having my man. But I must console my heart saying – I can touch him, talk to him as opposed to lose him forever.

Many people made me understand and tried to give me solutions as to don’t spoil your life believing in astrology or don’t let this things affect you and your compatibility is important with him not astrology’s. I agree, I agree all that they say is practical. Our friends love us and they like us to be together but today even if I say yes I will marry him, my parents become weak as it says it risks my dad’s life and his parents scare as it risks his life. So what about me?

Am I no where? I am the one who is at major loss on either sides or on either situations.
My dad is close to me than anything on this earth- I respect him I love him and he is the main source of strength to my mom and my little sister. My love is more than any person on this earth, he is my friend he is my guide he is my everything and he supports his dad, mom and his little sister. I NEED both and at least alive.

What do I do now? I gave up marrying the person I love because I don’t want to be a criminal of two people if something happens to them and then I would have our both families crucifying me in their pain.

Now because I give up, it’s me and he would be the one who struggle in pain. He keeps himself busy and works hard and harder so that he can feel a little less pain. Right, he is practical and he would gradually forget those emotions but not the love – which I can assure. My parents feel sorry for us and his parents feel sorry us too.
Next, someday they will finally find a guy for me and his parents will find a girl for him. He is very sentimental person and so am I but he just forgets that moment while with his friends and other people around. So when he had to live with a different person his entire life, it is very normal to forget me, right??

My parents and his parents are happy for getting us married finally somewhere else thinking these love birds are ready to live with some body else. Now, they get their peace while they see me and him with a fake smile. Everybody is at peace that’s what every body else thinks. He too to some extent forget me, what about me ?

I am the one who lost everything and I am the one who struggled to live this life without him. I am the one who loved my parents more than anything. I am the one who believed astrology for have helping me earlier. I am the one who prayed God for all the peace of mind. I am the one…who is finally UNHAPPY. Do I need to live for this?

I strongly feel NO

Long Distance relationships

Sometimes writing down what you feel can make you feel much better...

I felt the need to pen down my thoughts, so that ways I understand what I have gone through to make a long distance relationship successful.

It is a open secret that I love a person. But how when where did this happen is something which is kind of interesting, funny to some extent and needs lots of effort.

I am somebody who would never chat with a stranger or talk to more than a Hi or a Bye. I wont trust people so easily thats been my nature and haven't been able to help it yet. But guess what, now I realize I love a person who is like hundreds of miles away and have not seen him once. Of course, we are in tech century, I saw his photos.
If I were to stand away from what I am today and look at this situation I would obviously find it difficult to digest. Sounds artificial, sounds weird and to some extent illogical. I love a person to live my entire life with him, thats my concept of love. So, how could I think about a person that I havent met to live with him for the rest of my life. Well, that is possible when you look through what you want from a person and if your needs are not his looks then you are on the right track. You should also be someone who is broadminded and trusting the other person to much greater extent than the usual lovers. Are you ? then again you are on right track. But if you mess up his some disguising behavior and suspect him, everything becomes difficult for you to believe. Thats what exactly happened with me. I love him, no doubt. But there was one such situation that I felt, his behavior was disguised and I didnt like it a wee bit. I swear. But, I had no choice to understand what he said and believe what he told.
When you are geographically away from someone, its difficult for you to understand every thing he undergoes. He may be in good mood today or may be in very bad state of mind. He made a dull face which you cant see. He goes out to a store to buy something urgently, but you think he isnt picking up the call intentionally. Poor guy, works all day and comes home and lying on the bed tired but I am hundreds a mile away how will I see that he is tired ???

So..here are the simple examples that I went through. I am still on the way to make my relation a success. But no matter what, I have learnt and understood. People like me, who dont believe anybody and everybody, its hard or sometimes impossible for them to have their long distance relationship working right.

I would strongly suggest, long distance relations are meant only if you have already met that person and you understood him and accidently you have to stay away, then going for it is almost worth it.

If you dont know him, havent met him then better meet him and decide on things as everything takes an effort and sometimes too much effort. I hope anybody like mine and mine would be worth it that much effort. But if you were to start all fresh..why put yourself in so much worries.. this kinda relations can give you whole lots of stress and worries... ... Well, my thoughts are dissected every single day and I come up with whatever I remember. Till then..bye.!

!!! How could you think I could write this..robbed it from somewhere.. I like this kinda articles.. interesting .isnt it ?? !!!

My first writing !

I cannot believe it is I/me/myself writing. Oh! This was my all time dream too!

No matter what, my mom is the BEAUTIFUL woman, my dad is the BEST man and my sister is the BEST friend on this entire universe.

Well what more can I ask for when my parents get me a cute little chain on my 16th birthday just like the one in my dream. Of course, teenage was something like that felt happy when I dream something and get it on the birthday as a gift from your parents. Not just teenage my whole life has been this way. My mom still tells me how I used to stand in front of a shop and cry for dresses, haha! funny though. My dad still remembers my broken songs when I used to sing it for him at the age of 3 or 4. My sister makes fun of me saying how I pleaded her to come with me into kitchen at night to get some water and hit some roaches.

As time passed by my requirements changed. They were like pens and pencils when in 5th grade or walkman and other crazy stuffs when in 8th grade world’s thinnest chain or a bracelet when I was sixteen or a pearl stud when I just entered college or a Scooty when I was in bachelors or even the biggest part of my dream which is getting a masters degree from a US university or be it find a guy of my choice.

Here I am with several years walked through holding my mom and dad’s hands, clinging on my cute little sister. What I realize is though here I am with a master’s degree I haven’t changed a single bit, the same laziness, the same stupidity, the same dependence on my mom to cook and dad to decide things for me and of course, the same gossiping with my sister. OMG now I realized I love my parents more than I ever did. Is there a way to tell them thank you? Am sure that would easily take my whole life to say even a T of thank you. Now I know what my sister to me is. She means the world and the mirror where in I see myself.

I see life is so wonderful when your loved ones are beside you every second u needed and need them. Well this is not any fairy tale because I too had mom warning me not to go out after certain time and dad got irritated of so many boys calling me and speaking hours together and off course sister, she is no less and threatened me while I was on phone when dad wasn’t at home. Here I see what they mean to me, which is so clear that they are my life. I sometimes get scared when I think of one special person in my life taking over most part of my life but I guess he already knows it that he will be as equally important as my parents and sister nothing less nothing more. I hope he don’t come across this page. hehe !!

I guess I realized why is my life meant for and the main constituents in my life before it was late. Life could be different from person to person but at little variation and I strongly believe everyone has one or the other loved ones around them which makes their life beautiful just like the one I have.

What more can you ask for???? Isn’t it???