Life is Unfair

Even I had several things to have it like the way I wanted and never got them like the way I wanted. But looking at how my parents led their life, I started living my life too being more content with whatever I had and what ever I am gonna get in the future. Didnt have too many expectations. Didnt get jealous on anybody nor was upset if everybody else did great with less effort and I didnt with little extra effort. I thought I am born this way I will live this way and dont want to be compared with anything or anybody. With all these started feeling much better because every time I failed in something I realized I did my best but I still cant get it as it could be for some good reason. Always believed that " God gives only good things to good people" sometimes we like which may not be good or something which could unknowingly destroy you. But only HE knows he what is right for us so sometimes it makes us unhappy momentarily but it is ok as HE is taking the responsibility to get us good things in life. With this hope I lived my life all these days and took all the pain with a smile on my face. No physical pain or financial pain or any kind of pain except for emotional can hurt me more.
Hence, I was always bound to my Dad, mom and my sister with great love, affection and care.
My parents are everything, they gave me love, trust and hope and I can rely on them anytime anywhere and with anything. They are definitely one of the best things I am given even before I knew. Any pain from them was not at all any biggie but made me move more closer to them eventually.

I always lived in this satisfaction, that no matter what I get or what I want atleast I am glad I have best parents and best sister and of course here and there a whole lot of love from my great friends who definitely share my life in happiness and sorrow. But my parents are always best and friends come in, leave a footprint and few of them sometimes fade off.

With this I was certaint that what ever happens happen for good. I was thought the same and I learnt the same with my own experience and expected the same. But after I found the person, who is the love of my life - who has all those qualities that I always dreamt off. In short, I felt my all actions were paid by GOD. I thought HE is happy to give me this love for have seen me how satisfied in life. I thought HE has really blessed me with my dream to come true. I was so much happy and in the sky with great happiness and joy with the love of my life.

Everything did definitely go well, we loved each other very well we did talk to our parents and seems like our parents didnt have any problem with it except for one major disaster. And yes, that major disaster turned out my life upside down. It is like having your favorite thing right in front of you but cant have it. Dont you feel tempted, dont you feel dissatisfied, dont you feel jealous or dont you feel how unlucky you are while being in this situations ??

I felt it- it literally changed my character. May be it was meant to do so or may be it was meant to assasinate my character, but I started feeling- I have nobody, i dont need anybody, i hate myself , i dont love anybody, i dont trust anybody, let the whole world fall apart - i dont care. let the entire thing i have shatter into pieces- i dont care. sometimes i feel my parents can help me - i talk to them. But i feel some what dissatisfied because talking to hundreds of poeple is also not enough at this time to get my feelings straight. My problem is I know the fact that I cant have what i loved what i dreamt - so i also know nobody can do anything about it. That is my helpless situation. That makes me mad person. It makes me feel, did I struggle this much for this day. HE never gave me what I asked till now and I only had it ever since day one that do anything you want to but do not hurt me emotionally. Slap me tight, give me trouble, give me problems, give me stress, give me any other crap on this earth - i will live with it with a smile but I asked him ,never ditch me when I love some one that too being so dedicated in life. But, HE did it. Time and again, HE did it. This time it hurt me to the core, why did I even believe anybody. No fate or destiny can help me, everybody cheated me. Everybody on this earth are with me but still cant help me. I am so so helpless. I dont need anything now - I am alone all alone. with my parents crying for me to get better everyday and that person I love is still supporting me through all hardships and all my friends giving me moral strength. But only I know how miserable I feel. I feel life has been unfair to me this time.
To dear life, I didnt ask you for anything and you did this to me, you made me fall in love - I didnt run to find that guy. Everything happened coincidently and today you made me the person I am not. You make me hurt my parents because I hurt them saying I am alone and nobody can help me. You make me hurt the person I love because I am not sure, if he loves me like this always or stops it when he find someone. Everything is fair in its position except me.
Dont know how am I gonna live this life. I have a huge conflict within myself when I even try to pray God. My heart questions me- what are you gonna pray today..ask for peace or ask for happiness -which you will never get thinking about this love. ask for what ??? Why do you even ask God to give you..all these days you believed him he will give you something good and see what he gave you...My heart insults me why do you even pray God because he hurt me and cant you see the pain I have and dont you feel anything for me?

I also followed my heart all these days and mostly kept my other things going smoothly and so far my heart has protected me from some of the happenings and it senses something even before the today's technology can do it. Like, it always knocked my mind to say if my mom wasnt feeling well or my dad was upset or my sister is crying..whatsoever and today...if I tell my heart - you get lost, you didnt make a right choice,you cant have that guy and he is not yours.. then what am i left with ?

A body with torn heart and a brain which can functionally normally with no goal ?? Am I a computer or am I a robot with no emotions. Doesnt it look like I put every rule/policy that I made myself from my heart is false and I failed in life ??

Now, I dont even know who to ask this question.. My dad always said..for every problem on this earth there is a solution..but time taken to search and solve is variable. I agree. Where will I search a solution for this one... I guess HE has to come down to this earth to tell me even the way to search the solution ....


This life as been pretty unfair....and I just dont know what more can I write.............living it with no ending........

I feel this way

I know it is my weakness but I can’t help it I have been this way always that I am dedicated to the person I love and I am very emotional. I remember almost all the things we do together to almost my life and how can I forget when I can’t have the person I love. I love this guy so much that it was a heart broken incident of my life. Without him I would be just breathing on this earth with no reason to live. My parents are very loving and caring and I am proud to say they are world’s best parents but I am so unlucky that I can’t have the world’s best man. The man I love for about a year now, the man who is so loving and caring, so romantic and kind hearted. He is also very intelligent and brave. He have several friends who are my friends today but what is the fun when I cant have the precious thing for which I waited all through my life for this dream to come true.
I agree I relished the moment when my dream came true for sometime. But everything fell apart just after few days when our parents match our compatibility according to Astrology. It says I and he end up divorcing, costs his life and my dad’s life. I am someone who believed astrology to keep up things moving smoothly in life. I do agree I believe astrology because I have some of the live examples to tell about. But, today my own dream fell apart because of astrology. My whole life, if I am given an horrible job to do –I can, if I face too many hardships- I don’t mind, if I have hard time finding way to my destination – I can still bear with it but I always dreamt to have at least the person I love in my life as my man. I guess I don’t even deserve that piece of happiness in my life.
Today, I stand as an individual who is upset about why did I had to love that lovely person when God knows I cant have him, when God knows that the was only thing I asked God to not to make a failure. Now, all is done and I struggle all my life having this one pain in my heart forever – so is this what I deserve for being a good child to my parents and good person to society? Or being dedicated lover to the person I love or being an emotional fool? Or even being fair by believing astrology even now?

I agree believe astrology even now for the reason it did help me before. If I say I won’t believe, I end up quarreling with my own thoughts and conscious within and probably feel guilty about it always and unfortunately if things happen like in astrology – his life and my dad’s life then I would probably die of guilty. Suppose I believe astrology then I have no choice except to loose him as having my man. But I must console my heart saying – I can touch him, talk to him as opposed to lose him forever.

Many people made me understand and tried to give me solutions as to don’t spoil your life believing in astrology or don’t let this things affect you and your compatibility is important with him not astrology’s. I agree, I agree all that they say is practical. Our friends love us and they like us to be together but today even if I say yes I will marry him, my parents become weak as it says it risks my dad’s life and his parents scare as it risks his life. So what about me?

Am I no where? I am the one who is at major loss on either sides or on either situations.
My dad is close to me than anything on this earth- I respect him I love him and he is the main source of strength to my mom and my little sister. My love is more than any person on this earth, he is my friend he is my guide he is my everything and he supports his dad, mom and his little sister. I NEED both and at least alive.

What do I do now? I gave up marrying the person I love because I don’t want to be a criminal of two people if something happens to them and then I would have our both families crucifying me in their pain.

Now because I give up, it’s me and he would be the one who struggle in pain. He keeps himself busy and works hard and harder so that he can feel a little less pain. Right, he is practical and he would gradually forget those emotions but not the love – which I can assure. My parents feel sorry for us and his parents feel sorry us too.
Next, someday they will finally find a guy for me and his parents will find a girl for him. He is very sentimental person and so am I but he just forgets that moment while with his friends and other people around. So when he had to live with a different person his entire life, it is very normal to forget me, right??

My parents and his parents are happy for getting us married finally somewhere else thinking these love birds are ready to live with some body else. Now, they get their peace while they see me and him with a fake smile. Everybody is at peace that’s what every body else thinks. He too to some extent forget me, what about me ?

I am the one who lost everything and I am the one who struggled to live this life without him. I am the one who loved my parents more than anything. I am the one who believed astrology for have helping me earlier. I am the one who prayed God for all the peace of mind. I am the one…who is finally UNHAPPY. Do I need to live for this?

I strongly feel NO