I feel this way

I know it is my weakness but I can’t help it I have been this way always that I am dedicated to the person I love and I am very emotional. I remember almost all the things we do together to almost my life and how can I forget when I can’t have the person I love. I love this guy so much that it was a heart broken incident of my life. Without him I would be just breathing on this earth with no reason to live. My parents are very loving and caring and I am proud to say they are world’s best parents but I am so unlucky that I can’t have the world’s best man. The man I love for about a year now, the man who is so loving and caring, so romantic and kind hearted. He is also very intelligent and brave. He have several friends who are my friends today but what is the fun when I cant have the precious thing for which I waited all through my life for this dream to come true.
I agree I relished the moment when my dream came true for sometime. But everything fell apart just after few days when our parents match our compatibility according to Astrology. It says I and he end up divorcing, costs his life and my dad’s life. I am someone who believed astrology to keep up things moving smoothly in life. I do agree I believe astrology because I have some of the live examples to tell about. But, today my own dream fell apart because of astrology. My whole life, if I am given an horrible job to do –I can, if I face too many hardships- I don’t mind, if I have hard time finding way to my destination – I can still bear with it but I always dreamt to have at least the person I love in my life as my man. I guess I don’t even deserve that piece of happiness in my life.
Today, I stand as an individual who is upset about why did I had to love that lovely person when God knows I cant have him, when God knows that the was only thing I asked God to not to make a failure. Now, all is done and I struggle all my life having this one pain in my heart forever – so is this what I deserve for being a good child to my parents and good person to society? Or being dedicated lover to the person I love or being an emotional fool? Or even being fair by believing astrology even now?

I agree believe astrology even now for the reason it did help me before. If I say I won’t believe, I end up quarreling with my own thoughts and conscious within and probably feel guilty about it always and unfortunately if things happen like in astrology – his life and my dad’s life then I would probably die of guilty. Suppose I believe astrology then I have no choice except to loose him as having my man. But I must console my heart saying – I can touch him, talk to him as opposed to lose him forever.

Many people made me understand and tried to give me solutions as to don’t spoil your life believing in astrology or don’t let this things affect you and your compatibility is important with him not astrology’s. I agree, I agree all that they say is practical. Our friends love us and they like us to be together but today even if I say yes I will marry him, my parents become weak as it says it risks my dad’s life and his parents scare as it risks his life. So what about me?

Am I no where? I am the one who is at major loss on either sides or on either situations.
My dad is close to me than anything on this earth- I respect him I love him and he is the main source of strength to my mom and my little sister. My love is more than any person on this earth, he is my friend he is my guide he is my everything and he supports his dad, mom and his little sister. I NEED both and at least alive.

What do I do now? I gave up marrying the person I love because I don’t want to be a criminal of two people if something happens to them and then I would have our both families crucifying me in their pain.

Now because I give up, it’s me and he would be the one who struggle in pain. He keeps himself busy and works hard and harder so that he can feel a little less pain. Right, he is practical and he would gradually forget those emotions but not the love – which I can assure. My parents feel sorry for us and his parents feel sorry us too.
Next, someday they will finally find a guy for me and his parents will find a girl for him. He is very sentimental person and so am I but he just forgets that moment while with his friends and other people around. So when he had to live with a different person his entire life, it is very normal to forget me, right??

My parents and his parents are happy for getting us married finally somewhere else thinking these love birds are ready to live with some body else. Now, they get their peace while they see me and him with a fake smile. Everybody is at peace that’s what every body else thinks. He too to some extent forget me, what about me ?

I am the one who lost everything and I am the one who struggled to live this life without him. I am the one who loved my parents more than anything. I am the one who believed astrology for have helping me earlier. I am the one who prayed God for all the peace of mind. I am the one…who is finally UNHAPPY. Do I need to live for this?

I strongly feel NO