Do I understand myself ?

I have no answer to this question right now !
But someday soon I will definitely find an answer or almost an answer.
Assuming I have told you what is happening in my life today, here is a new addition to it. I once heard that girls/women become very cautious if an unpleasant situation occurs to them. They become overly careful and defensive. I think something similar is happening to me.
Talking about the person in my life who I told you that I love very much but cant have him due to astrology problems, I call him Mr Right because he is so loving, caring and husband material except for rarely he becomes tit for tat kinds or very impatient – remember “rarely”. Every time I speak about him, I really love the good things he has in him and fall in love all over again, but then when I get angry or feel that one of the situations are like my previous situations, I become overly cautious. I become someone who I am not. I hate that – I don’t like being cheated you see - like my previous experience.
Situation now is, I know I cannot possess Mr R because my dad said he is never going to be mine. But, I cant stand some bloody female running behind him for some mean reasons in her mind. Not that I am saying he should not mingle with girls at all but I mean the girls surround him or he get caught up with are mostly like that. Believe me, I have seen them being super nice to him and mean to me. Anyways, the issue is I don’t like a girl hanging around him and being close although we know she is not – Not at least now, she is 2 days old to the city and knows him for less than a day.
That’s why I feel, I hate telugu girls – they suck real time. Most of them know to stick around a guy who is most dependable. Mark my words, they will be friends with best of people and use them without even making them feel they are using them. This stuff runs in their blood and I am over cautious about it. So will Mr R agree to this if I share this with him, he will not – either he will say off you are over reacting or over cautious. For men, its difficult to comprehend what women think, I agree but they also make a lot of assumptions which is not always true..and I don’t agree that.

My problem is I am not jealous, I am not possessive (after all what do I have to even possess) but I am trying to tell him I didn’t like the way she is trying to be so close to you knowing you for 1 day. I suspect she needs something from him that’s why she is acting to be closer to him. Because he didn’t keep me updated about when and all he used chat or talk to her, it was a shock to me when she walked by his cube all of a sudden.
Damn it, I hate this feeling and I got to give my bloody suggestions to people. You know what, I better shut my mouth. He is not going to be mine, even if I possess him or be jealous of some girl around him, does it make any difference?, not at all. Instead he will think I am ruining his life. They everybody do what they want..I am not gonna question any body.

That reminds me, I have a friend – Mr Friend. I once thought I love him when I was in college. He denied saying he doesn’t believe in love, bloody big time cheater. No no, he didn’t do anything as a friend but yes for a human with feelings for love. He was actually in love with his friends sister – so he said he didn’t want to hurt me and make me feel lonely, that’s why he said he doesn’t believe in love – Bullshit. Anyways I moved on in life, but the moments I spent with him gradually made scars to me. Although I had ill effects I wont forget to mention that I had good moments with him..
He was an unknowingly big time liar, bloody Gemini – I hate their twin/quadruplet characters. He always made me feel a fool ( never intentionally) by lying to me- which I already found truth about but cannot just argue with him saying I know the damn bloody truth. He is gonna say “I don’t know”. Well, I always thought is my best friend and did everything I could as a friend – he did everything he could too, no complains. But the gray part always remained in my heart. He made a bad influence, which I am realizing it now. That’s why I feel the truth of each and every word my dad said about Mr F and his characters(based on astrology). Mr F remained to be a hide and seek to me in the relation, which I always hated about. He never remained complete truthful to me although he boasted he did. Because of him being in my life this way and me once had feelings for him, the current life is kinda screwed up for me. I have encountered situations like lie or cheat right in front of my eyes and couldn’t do anything about it – today I feel overly cautious or overly react to similar situations when I find Mr R in that place.

I know I am stupid but I am very hurt in life and don’t want anybody else to hurt me or cheat me anymore. I feel I had enough, but don’t know for sure – if I am doing right. I should be more relaxed in this kind of situations…

However, the solution to this problem would be to ignore this kind of situation as I don’t have an opportunity to marry Mr R and I don’t really care who I marry because the rest of life for me would be just a compromise. So I need to be more patient and less – spoken specimen. Had it enough …..